levelshift | Etraya Inbox

That is mean, why wouldn't they answer if they're available! Hmph.

( she starts, but this is starting to get easier with time and accelerator's help. the safest option sounds like leaving a message, so instead of video calling him, she'll attempt to leave a message in his inbox. )

H. I. No!! Lowercase I. Accelerator, fix it!!

( there it goes... )

[Somehow, he isn't surprised she'd take that stance instead of accepting people have their own lives going on....

Accelerator sits back, waiting for 37 to compose her message, and -- well. She tried, that's the important thing.]

..... I can't if you've already sent it. There's no recall feature.

[It's kind of basic for a messaging network, honestly.]

What do you mean? With pencil and paper, you can erase even if someone replied! This is faulty, fix it!!

( she doesn't understand why this isn't working properly, she's going to pout until there is a reply, and she looks to accelerator... she wants to point and show him. )

Look, look!! Do you think that is the real 6 and not a fake one?

( anyone could use his name!! ) He said, "Hello 37, Accelerator."

It's not faulty, Aurora just hasn't added that feature. I can ask her about it later.

[She'll likely be fine with adding it. Meanwhile, he leans over to look at her HUD and read the message.]

It's him. There aren't enough people around here to make catfishing a worthwhile hobby.

[He sighs a little and sends his own message to 6, hopefully to clarify things.]

You can reply to his message, if you want.

There is no prototype nor did you attempt to make one? Surely, you speak as though you're on such good terms, you should try.

( the encouragement does help, but she wants to vocally do everything and so she attempts to send another message to 6. )

H E L L O 6! No!! It wrote his name incorrectly, Accelerator what do I do about that?

( this is such a complicated device, even she feels a little lost when the words go in and are wrong! maybe she should take a minute before automatically sending it. )

I wouldn't say that. Anyone could ask her.

[Um, but maybe not 37. Not until she gets a hang of this.

Which... might be a while, at the rate she's going....]

You need to tell it to backspace, or just erase the whole message. It'd be easier if you started with the keyboard instead of the speech-to-text function.

[That's also the one he prefers, anyways.]

Then we will make new additions for this is not good! Horrible.

( she doesn't like it, and she will ask for better modifications because why does it not say what she wants it to say in the manner that she wants it to be when this earpiece is catered to her!?

... )

Keyboard?

( her eyes are so big like he's said something so different. )

Show me.

[Accelerator gives her a little shrug in response, half-wondering if this is how boomers stumble around with new technology. Or just even normal people. His view's skewed, coming from a city so advanced.]

Here -- [He's reaching over to poke at her HUD, quickly pulling up the settings menu to switch her earpiece from verbal controls over to something more manual. This means more control are popping up, including a keyboard for her to type with.]

Oh! This thing? I have something like it within my Laboratory.

( she didn't know this is what they were working with, a sort of mini computer that she can mess with. she wants to continue using voice commands due to 6 possibly being able to master them with his message, but having the chance to use the keyboard, she types with relative ease.

a little too excited, her words running together and there's a small "oh" from between her lips, shocked by her mistake, and then she corrects it. )

This is much easier, I didn't know we had something of the same to work with.

[Oh what, that surprises him.]

You have a laboratory?

[She is not the kind of person you'd think would have one of those. But then, her idea of what a laboratory is might be vastly different from what he's picturing. For one, he isn't sure if she means a computer, or something more like a typewriter.]

Mhm.

( she nods as though this is the easiest thing to explain. )

An Irrational Number called it an IDM Computer, this one is very different.

( enough about that, she'll return a response to 6, she's not sure if he's picking with her or not... but she's smart! a little goes a long way. )

Where this one is small, the one in my laboratory was bigger, and had various cords coming out from it and ...the serves behind. As for the keyboard, the buttons clicked underneath your fingers. My mother is the co-author of it back home, she is very skilled at using it hence why the data inside was very important. It was her laboratory before it became mine.

[Definitely not a typewriter, then! It sounds like it was a pretty big computer, maybe something old-fashioned, though it's hard to tell by her description alone. Either way, her being familiar with a computer helps a lot, it should make it easier for her to grasp the concept of the earpieces.

He leans back against the couch, sipping his coffee. This is raising a few questions in his mind, so he's starting with the one that makes him the most curious.]

What kind of data's on it?

Perhaps it is not important data for you.

( he'd know nothing about it, really. he doesn't even respect the ways of the island despite not being on the island, but for some reason he's curious.

she thinks it over, her head bent into the phone as she reads 6's message. nothing bad could come from telling him, but what good comes from it either? then again, if the emanation is part of this place, maybe it's better to explain. )

Which years the Emanation appeared, when the waves of pneuma engulfed those caught within.

[Dismissing her data as unimportant would be utter insanity. He's learned that data, any data, has the potential to be important. Maybe not today or tomorrow, maybe years down the road, and that makes it worthwhile.]

Hm. I don't know about important, it could be. And regardless of that, it's interesting.

[He wants to know more!]

How do you define pneuma, and what happens when people are caught in the Emanation?

[Nothing good, he's assuming, thanks to their previous conversation and the comparison between the Emanation and Im'mari that was made.]

Pneuma is pure energy not yet tamed.

( there's so many developments in what the outside world views it as and what she sees it as. pneuma is what it has always been, something akin to one's metaphorical skin that supports them, and in a way also needing to be protected against.

no matter how she tries to coat her answers into something positive, the question of what happens causes her fingers to slowly tap... as if she's contemplating what answer to say. she parts her mouth, then closes it, parts it again, and somehow her throat feels dry as she thinks about what it should have happened and what she saw. )

Everyone died, Mama did too. ( she swallows down the saliva in her throat as she lifts up one leg on the couch to hug one arm around it against her chest. ) They left behind their true Form on the beach, so I could visit them every day. But this time... the recent Emanation was different...

[Pure energy, alright. That's a definition he can work with, having been exposed to energy beyond what normal humans are familiar with. Hell, even his own body is constantly giving off of AIM. Some new energy (or a familiar energy with a new name) isn't hard for him to understand.

Her next answer though, that's the hard one. It makes logical sense... be exposed to unrestrained, chaotic energy, and what do you think is going to happen? Thermal energy burns and freezes, radiation damages molecules and DNA, why wouldn't pneuma also kill? It's perfectly logical.]

........

[It's also really personal, and a part of him regrets asking for that reason. At the same time, he's getting more unsaid answers to some of his other questions out of that one statement: why her mother handed her laboratory over, if her mother had moved on to some other laboratory or facility, that sort of stuff.]

.... Sorry.

[He isn't sure what to say, that's obvious from his awkward tone as he lowers his can of coffee. There's a beat of silence as he decides whether to change the subject or keep pushing for information and, well....]

How was it different?

It was different.

( that's the answer or what she wishes could have been, pnuema was a much better topic, she could go on and on into it, but sometimes when she thinks about what her life was before the emanation struck again, it was a more naive and innocent take.

it's such a better subject than explaining the differences between her mother and the recent one, she tries to recount. )

We could prepare for the Emanation without technology, predict when it would appear and where. Mama was very good at that, but... calculations were off.

( she remembers that day when the island was in uproar at the event, and the geometric bodies that had flowed their way to the beach as if returning home. 37 smiles only a little, just a fraction as she looks down at the ground as she recalls the joy in her heart, the instant understanding, and she wonders why the same couldn't be said as of recent. )

My Mama, 6, Hugh, many integers and fractions were taken by the Emanation, but it was a joyous moment to leave the World of Matters, and return to your true form.

( the corner of her mouth twitches, that smile breaking into a small frown as she tries to keep her voice from cracking. instead, she stops, swallows down the saliva in her throat, and tries to make sense of what she doesn't understand.

even her words sound confused as she continues. ) That's why... this time I don't understand why. I calculated everything, I told them where the safe zone was on the island, where we would throw a celebration to finding a piece of the Truth... but...

( not long ago were they arguing about whether or not to hand over apeiron's wisdoms to outsiders, and she doesn't know what changed, or what happened. )

[37 doesn't need to finish that sentence, he can do it for her.]

.... But they didn't listen to you.

[They - whoever 'they' are - ignored her and picked death through the Emanation instead. Even though she referred to it as a joyous moment, the fact that they had a safe zone, the fact that calculations were off means to him that no one is normally supposed to suffer through the Emanation. That seems fairly clear, which means they must have chosen to die.

The experience must have been harrowing for her. He shifts a little on the couch, not making any attempt at physical comfort, because that's kind of a foreign thing for him. He wouldn't know where to start.]

I don't know why they would pick that option. [He really, really doesn't.] But I know what it's like to screw your calculations up that badly.

[It's what had gotten him killed, after all.]

( she had calculated everything to ensure everyone was safe, so was it her fault? she doesn't think she miscalculated, even though her mother before her had, and that's why that joyous moment didn't hurt 37 as much. however, hearing accelerator say it that they didn't listen makes it sound like a choice they made, and that eats her up inside. she feels sick, something in her stomach is turning as she tries to figure out what it was that they didn't want to listen.

they are a small island, all they had was each other, but even through the death and bloodshed... 37 had promised she would find the truth and fix it all.

but even with the truth, she has found herself here with a threat looming over her head. what if she can't save what's left after all, what if this place is to mock her having already witnessed her friends joyously celebrate in the rain? it's like she can see the rain again in the forefront of her mind, but no, that's only tears swelling up in the corner of her eyes as she tilts her head down to avoid being seen. her hair, like a waterfall, hangs down like a curtain to keep her expression hidden.

she hears him and she fears for him, one miscalculation has intense consequences and she finds herself exhaling a shaky breath. her cheeks warm, something wet rolling down one as she sniffles just a little bit. and what if one day he dies and does not return? what if he's much like her recent experience with the emanation because she doesn't recall any geometrical shape left behind when her friends, who didn't listen, allowed it to take them.

instead of grabbing for her hair, she wraps her arms around herself, palms resting at the curve of her upper arms where her nails dig into flesh there. )

I... I don't want to put you in danger. I don't want to put 6 in danger, either. I don't know what to do if I make a mistake or if someone changes their mind.

( those were her friends, those were the people she laughed and smiled with only days ago until.

she had already cried, but when she thinks about it, how fresh it is to her memory. within her equations, she's never thought she would have to take away important individuals in her life, or they would personally factor themselves away from it. )

Please don't die, please don't leave. I'll try to... understand every equation.

[Oh, geez. Her hair is hiding her face, but he's been around girls like Qliphah and Last Order enough to know what that means. That tiny sniffle confirms it.

Accelerator sits up, moving his coffee to the coffee table, resting his elbows on his knees. He doubts he's ever going to get used to this, and he's mentally getting himself prepared to deal with a bawling girl on his couch, when instead she says that and he stops.]

....................

[This reminds him, clear as day, of Asuka getting angry with him after he died and came back. Or Last Order being worried every time he went off to do something reckless and dangerous. Or Qliphah when that Magic God was able to injure him by controlling her.

Oh, he doesn't like this. Not at all. They barely know each other, he hasn't even gotten around to telling her about what a monster he is. This isn't entirely about him, but there's enough there that it makes his insides twist uncomfortably. She shouldn't be worrying about him this much.

He sucks in a deep breath, choosing his words carefully instead of defaulting to a bunch of hostile cursing meant to push her away.]

You can't control the choices other people make. Sometimes they're going to make some stupid ones, or it's going to look like that to you, and all you can do is accept what they decide to do. It's fucking awful, but it's the truth.

[Like all those times that Level 0 was doing something insane - protecting an internationally wanted terrorist god, running around with so-called diplomats who were committing crimes and causing havoc in Academy City, facing down a resurrected walking force of nature - and he wanted to take a different route. And he did, sometimes, but he always accepted the decisions Kamijou Touma had made, and trusted he knew what he was doing. It always worked out, in the end.

He can't say the same for 37's people. It likely won't, given what happened to them, but she still needs to accept their decision.]

You can chill. I don't have a death wish. Especially around here.

[Asuka drilled it into his head, don't be an idiot a second time. He's going to try his best on that front. And... he's also not very good at abandoning people, but that's too sappy for him to say out loud. Instead he sighs heavily.]

I'm also really fucking good when it comes to calculating anything you throw at me. I can always double check your work, or if you don't understand something, chances are I will. I've got a lot of crap shoved into my brain, the whole fucking world is basically one constant stream of data I'm constantly committing to memory, and it's a huge waste if I don't put it all to good use once in a while.

[He's got your back, 37! And not just mathematically speaking.]

I run it over and over in my mind. ...They wanted me to find the Truth, and when I did... they still.

( to hear that their choice was possibly a stupid one, or maybe it was... something, but this is a cruel truth. it's enough to make her shoulders fall slack and 37 feels even more miserable. sure, the truth hurts, but 210's ego was too inflated to just die, 888's beliefs were hardened, she wouldn't let anyone alter her thoughts as she was committed to what was right.

if what she had chosen was stupid, or even right, then why couldn't 37 have...

...

37 should be happy for them, she should have the same thrill that she had for her mother, and yet...

even both those feelings have dulled, they bring upon an ache in her chest.

she exhales, and she sniffles, there's a hitch of her breath as tries really hard not to just break down. it's the dam keeping the water behind, but there are cracks, there's wall that chips away with every word even if they're meant to be reassuring or the truth.

part of her wishes she had finished that day before leaving the island, but to recall, to even explain to someone who shouldn't care. it's embarrassing, they have just met, but everything has happened so fast. if she did not find 6 here, she would be alone, she would navigate this world alone with vertin or sophia, and she latches to anything that can keep her from running out into her doom. )

Why is it even if the fucking answer is found, it's not enough to make things go right.

( maybe she was unlucky, perhaps her answer was for another problem, but not their problem. if only she knew what, but the issue was they were happy in that moment, it appeared like that was the best choice they could have made, and the expression showed no regret. )

Be wise, uninvolved, and look on or be practical, involved, and suffer... what does that stream of data think, what do you... think?

[Part of him wishes these people of 37's hadn't ended up dying, because it prevents him from being able to tell them off for making her cry. The same as he did with Nepthys after she messed with Qliphah. He doesn't know her very well, but she doesn't deserve to be forced to go through all of this.

He can't give her an answer. It sounds like she had figured things out, or was on her way to doing so, and they still chose the Emanation over her. He has no idea what their thought process was, only that they made that decision. However, he can give her a bit of insight into his own mindset regarding her question.]

I've tried both options throughout my life. [When he was ten years old and facing down the military he willingly chose to surrender, to go along with the city's decision to essentially remove him from society. At the time he had thought it was the best option for everyone, because it meant he didn't have to hurt anyone, and look where it got him.]

Being uninvolved was bullshit. People still got hurt.

[He still hurt people. It never actually stopped, despite his desperation, and now after everything he's done he doesn't have the right to choose the easy way out ever again. He doesn't get to have a simple life.]

I got tired of that, and it's why I accepted the offer to run my city. I don't care if it means I have to suffer, being involved means I'm making a goddamn difference in people's lives. That's all that matters.

( it still hurts to think about, even if she didn't miscalculate and they chose to do that... she still believes it to be her fault. even now, in a new place, she cannot find the answer to what she had done wrong to cause such an unfortunate situation. it's these moments that she wishes that vertin and 6 didn't hold her back, but that would have the uninvolved option.

she chooses not to say anything on it, even while being involved, she watched them die and it feels worse. or maybe it's the fact she's crying on some guy's couch that she doesn't know, and she doesn't know how to save face.

for once, 37 is thinking that crawling out the window is her only option from how much she's embarrassed herself, for what she's said so far. would that be horrible to do to him considering he's telling her his mistakes, he doesn't tell her in detail, but he does let her know. he's miscalculated, he's been involved and uninvolved, and she sniffles, and one hand lifts up to wipe at her already red cheeks as she bites down on her bottom lip to keep in any sob.

she won't do it, she won't let a sound slip through.

that is the choice that apparently she had chosen to be practical, involved, and suffer. that option allows her into the phenomenal world to learn the truth that will help prevent others from being taken away by the emanation, and then afterwards she can go home to what she knows.

but why is the outside world so difficult to understand, and why can't her friends be there when she returns. she can't ask him that, but his choice tells her a lot that something comes from being involved, to suffering, because it makes a difference in some way. at first, she didn't want to leave, the outside world is foggy, it's hard to see the truth with the pile and pile of bacteria that covers it... but...

it's at this moment that she realizes she's bit down on her bottom lip too hard to keep herself from sobbing, and the taste of blood manages to hit her tongue. it's like a sobbing cough comes from out her mouth, and she breathes in through her nose. )

....What about here, ( her voice cracks, and she pauses trying to get force the sadness out, but it doesn't work as her tone drops down to a whisper. ) ...what did you choose here?

[... Maybe it would be better if he told her to just get it all out instead of pushing it down. It would certainly be better if he could manage to offer her a hug or something - if Last Order was here that's what she would do - but the very thought makes him want to crawl out of his skin. Still, he's seeing 37 bite down on her lip way, way too hard, and can only think that bottling everything up is only going to lead to an explosion later on.

(Nevermind the fact that he's a complete hypocrite thinking that.)

Accelerator hesitates, his hands curling into fists.]

.... I don't know if any of this is bullshit. It's possible we're being lied to by Echo.

[He isn't going to sugarcoat that. While he likes Aurora, he still hasn't seen proof that they're saving their universes by completing these missions. It's all very vague, and like many people here he's skeptical.

Another thought comes to him, and he pauses his answer. Grabbing his crutch, he gets to his feet, walking over to the bathroom briefly to retrieve a box of tissues and a damp washcloth for her. Sitting back down, he holds out both of them for her to take. He might not be good at comforting someone, but he can at least do that before continuing his answer to her.]

But I'm responsible for 1.8 million kids back home. I'm not going to endanger them on a hunch, so I've been taking part in these damn missions.

[Those circumstances are unique to him, he doubts there are many people who are considering the wellbeing of the people in their universe so strongly. He's seen a lot of complaints on Aurora's network that suggests that's the case.

Of course, that's only his decision. He isn't the one having a crisis over what to do, and he looks over at 37 calmly.]

What do you want to do?

( that reminds her... linhardt had also said something familiar of how he didn't want to expose 37 to his thoughts, he wanted her to build her own perspective and then return. the general consensus is that there's lies weaved around what's meant to be the truth. he doesn't believe they're reason for being here is true, accelerator doesn't know if all of this is real. it's only two people, but people who have been here longer than her, really it's something she should bring up to 6. he would know what to say on that matter, but he'd probably confirm that their experiences will help them paint a better understanding.

when he leaves, there's that chance to escape where she looks over to the window she had crawled in. she's such a silly girl, she knows she would be scolded from making this decision if it were back home. then again, back home before there was nothing to cry about at all, the most she'd do was sulk if 210 won against her in an argument, or if she didn't understand something.

what she doesn't expect is the box of tissues and the wash cloth. as much as she doesn't know how to verbally respond, she instead lifts her hand to grab them one at a time to sit in her lap.

the shadows on the wall flicker too much, this world is different from the world they lived in before, and so as long as they go out and understand then they can make judgements. then there it goes again, what they're working for in another world is the building block of what they do in this one. same equation that has never changed, and accelerator's goals remain what they were.

37 pulls one tissue out from the box, the shape is of a frail rhombus in her hand, and knowing how thin and flimsy it is that it will break soon enough. she brings it to her face to wipe away at the tears, she's managing so well. )

I... can't. ( she starts off as her hands tremble, and she exhales a deep breath as the same tissue comes to her lip. the faith taste of her tears there on her lip too when she tries to wipe away the blood. ) I can't let everything be in vain, the circle may have shrunk, and the Transcendental law is in disarray, but... I can't let 210, 888, my mother...

( oh, through all her mother's teachings, she can't let it all wash away just like that. that's when she finds herself tilting emotionally, the whole world starting to blur as tears drop faster than before. drops fall to her lap and onto the warm fabric of the cloth, )

I promised 6, I promised him I would do something and... ( she wants to make herself stop, she doesn't want to cry here, but when she talks she feels like... that sobbing breaks through, and she has to stop even trying.

please apeiron, keep her composed. unfortunately, even if she begs, she just breaks down over the technicalities. ) and... if I don't... It's all my fault. He won't say it, but I should have been faster in figuring it out, I should have done something more and... if I don't do something here, everyone who died, and my new friends, and... Sophia...

( would their last meeting really be like that, would she never see her again, she feels almost sick. that she switches for the warm rag to bring it up to her eyes, the warm compress to soothe and catch the tears as she cries. )

6 is all I have, and everything... everything is gone if I don't fix this, and if I fail... he'll leave me too. Then...

( what's left? what's left? )

Etraya Inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw: talk of suicide, sort of

cw: suicide talk

cw: suicide talk

cw: suicide talk

cw: suicide talk

cw: suicide talk

cw: suicide talk

cw: suicide talk

cw: suicide talk

cw: suicide talk

cw: suicide talk; future goals: give 37 a hug

cw: suicide talk, she doesn't deserve it... + great thread wonderful end