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Yeah, but it doesn't hit in the same way.

[It's a very unhealthy addiction in more ways than one, and Accelerator being who he is hasn't bothered to give it a lot of thought.]

Didn't realize the container it came in was so important.

( he'll have to make a note to ask tim for his recs later. jason'll take coffee, but he's more of a black coffee in a cheap cup at 4am on top of a rooftop kind of guy - or tea, when he has the option. tim, on the other hand, probably knows enough to offer some good recommendations.

the bike slows to a stop, and jason pulls off his helmet. keeps the earpiece in. )

I guess it is, I don't know. It's everywhere in Japan, so I've never really thought about it.

[The convenience made his addiction so much easier.]

Fair. 's easy to get ahold of in the States, too, but less of a common thing.

( convenience stores usually have those starbucks frappuccino bullshit canned drinks around, but jason has been to japan and remembers the endless vending machines full of whatever one's heart could desire. and the much better stocked stores.

he's making his way up to accelerator like a normal person. climbing shit is fun and all, but he's still recovering from his earlier fights. )

Door locked?

[Jason's line of thought is the exact same as Accelerator's.]

The vending machines here are shit. Not that Academy City's weren't strange, but at least we still had some normal stuff.

[It's such a ridiculous thing to complain about. He really shouldn't be.]

No.

[He rarely bothers locking the door when he's home. There's no point.]

( works just fine for him. jason's speedy; he makes his way on up to the apartment and lets himself right in after rapping his knuckles against the door frame. accelerator already knew he was coming by, there's no point in waiting.

and he's--making his way on over to accelerator. stands a good several feet away from him when he turns off the earpiece and disconnects the call. raises his right hand, to offer it. )

C'mere.

[The knocking is what pulls Accelerator away from thinking about coffee and focusing back on why Jason is coming over, and a nauseous feeling starts rising up in his stomach. He doesn't want to do this, even though it's selfish he wishes he hadn't opened his mouth. He liked hanging around Jason, and there's no way he isn't here to tell him off and to stay away.

Which is fair, no matter what his personal feelings on the matter are.

He's sitting on the couch (which, despite Accelerator's attempt at cleaning, is still a mess and beyond saving) when Jason comes in. With a click of his tongue he grabs his crutch, tossing his phone down on the couch before getting up and walking over. Unsurprisingly, he's scowling.]

Whatever the hell it is you want to say to me face-to-face, just do it and get it over with.

( jason's hand reaches out, intending to put his palm against accelerator's shoulder. it's a gentle touch, easy. he's trying to keep his expression neutral, but jason's shit at it; it looks more pained than anything else. )

Would you do it again? If given the choice.

( jason's already pretty sure he knows the answer, but he's here because - because accelerator's being an ass to himself, and there's some conversations you just can't have over the phone. )

[Jason's hand settles on his shoulder, and no matter how light it is Accelerator still tenses up. Not that he makes any moves to stop Jason from touching him, because if he wants to get violent he has every right to.

He at least answers honestly, and more than the bare minimum.]

No. I went out of my way to make sure the fucking experiment couldn't be started up again.

[He doesn't sound particularly proud of this, stating it more matter-of-factly than anything. What's important here is that the remaining Sisters won't have to go through that again, not that he made sure the experiment had permanently ended.]

( he tenses, but jason doesn't let up. instead, he waits for accelerator to answer him, and then--drops his hand to wrap it around the kid's shoulders. pulls him in for a one-armed hug. it's not tight, accelerator can pull out whenever he feels like it, but jason's offering it regardless. )

You're a kid. It doesn't excuse any of the shit you've done, no, but 's not like you've been given much choice. You're more than your failures. More than the bullshit those assholes put you through. An' maybe you've got a lot to make up for, but that doesn't make you a monster.

[It almost feels like a punch would've been preferable to the hug. Accelerator, still tense, clenches his free hand into a fist as he's pulled into it. That nauseous feeling increases, and he knows he should pull away. He doesn't deserve this. He's the last person who deserves this.

He doesn't move. He can't bring himself to. The only person who's actually ever hugged him is Last Order -- there was an attempt once by Leo, but he broke his arm in the process. He isn't used to it, but he doesn't want to move.]

Stop saying that. [He's growling that out, absolutely miserable.] No one made me go through anything. They couldn't.

[This isn't something he wants to get into, but he keeps on going. At this point it seems like it's the only way to get it through Jason's head that he's one hundred percent responsible for what happened.] The city's got a whole fucking system for categorizing how strong an esper is, and I'm at the top. No one, let alone the bastards who ran the experiment, can force me to do anything. I willingly agreed to participate.

Edited 2023-12-09 00:40 (UTC)

It doesn't matter how strong you are, y'know. You wouldn't do it again. You feel shitty for having done it. I doubt you had any idea what you were getting into--an' if you did, you thought you were doing what you had to.

( jason doesn't know jack shit about what--caused accelerator to participate in the experiment. but he doesn't need to. he's known the kid long enough to get an idea of his personality, how he tries his best to help even when it's a shit idea. how he's stuck by jason even through jason's nightmares, through him being an idiot and fistfighting himself. he's kept his promises. either the scientists who started it were disgusting, manipulative asshats playing on a child's need for validation, and/or they'd raised him with a fucked up idea of morality that he'd learned was shit as he'd gotten older and gained more independence. you don't need to be a detective to see that.

he's not letting go, either. jason slumps forward a little, moves to rest his chin on the top of accelerator's head. )

You're not a monster, Ace.

[Despite all of Accelerator's pushback, he's aware that Jason's assumptions are correct. He hadn't known the experiment would require killing, the scientists running it told him it wasn't actually murder. He had thought he was doing the right thing.

It doesn't change what he did, and it doesn't make him feel any better.]

I'm never going to believe that.

[If Last Order couldn't get him to agree there's no way Jason will, but his attempt at arguing fizzles out as he finds himself leaning into the hug. Now that it's clear Jason isn't angry it's like the fight is draining out of him, leaving him exhausted.]

I don't want to downplay what I did, or act like I had no responsibility. It wouldn't be fair to them.

I know.

( accelerator leans into it, so jason wraps his arm around him a little tighter. shifts his head so his cheek is resting on top of white hair and settles in against him. there's not much he can do, here. he wasn't there, he doesn't understand the full depth of what accelerator went through. but he understands how it feels to--have that kind of weight sitting on one's shoulders, even if his isn't even close to the same as accelerator's own. there's a lot of shit jason knows damn well was his fault. a lot of mistakes he carries that he's not going to let go of, ever. people he's hurt, shit moves he's pulled. )

Like I said, you've got shit to make up for. But beating yourself up over it isn't gonna fix anything. What's done is done. All we can do is move forward, yeah?

[This is a full-on hug, and while a very small part of Accelerator would like to return it he can't bring himself to do that. It's this horrible contradiction of something he feels like he desperately needs, and something he's incredibly uncomfortable with. The best he can do is shift until he's pretty much sagging against Jason.

Given how little Accelerator likes touching people in general, it's a big step for him. He knows the kinds of things Jason has been through, he trusts him immensely. That Jason hasn't just rejected him after learning about the Sisters has given him another anchor - an adult, this time - that he can cling to, even though he's still sure he doesn't deserve any of this.

He closes his eyes, his voice quiet but flat.]

I don't know if I can.

[Really, it'd be flat-out denial if he thought he could. You don't get punched out by some random normie and then spend a full week of your life obsessed and having a complete existential crisis over it and also think you're capable of moving forward. You certainly don't kill over ten thousand innocent girls and not have it consume your thoughts every single day.]

We can work on it. Together.

( he knows it's hard. jason spent years being a bitchy asshole who went around trying to drag everyone else down to his level. who was angry, bitter, and refused to bend because the moment he did he knew he'd break. he - didn't break, not exactly, just his resolve to be the biggest asshole possible which jason now also realizes was stupid. but it's hard, to do it all on one's own. jason had help getting to that point, where he felt like it was okay to let go. to trust others not to fuck him over when he let down the walls he'd been keeping between himself and everyone else.

accelerator needs support, and jason's a shit choice for it. but he's better than no one, and he knows how hard it can be to open up to others, too. the hug has gone on a little too long for his comfort, but jason's not letting that show; he just holds accelerator tight, lets him lean in against him. )

've got you.

[Accelerator opens his mouth, wanting to tell Jason off for wanting to help, and just... doesn't. He can't bring himself to do it. He wants the help, he knows he can't move forward on his own. When he's on his own all he does is sleep and dwell on every awful thing he's ever done (and that's a lot).

Every so slowly he's building a support network here. It started with Leo and Donnie, and now he's got an adult he can trust. It makes him feel guilty for putting this on all of them, but he knows he needs this.

So instead of being stubborn or abrasive he's just quiet for a few moments, then mumbling.]

... Thanks.

[Maybe this would be the point where someone slightly more well-adjusted would express their emotions and start crying. Accelerator, for all the overwhelmed things he's feeling, doesn't. He's crumbling and he keeps most of it inside like he always does, the only real signs that he is acceptance of the hug and the way his features and tone have dropped away from abrasive to somber.

He does his best to pull himself together after another few moments, before pulling away.]

And... sorry. I know this can't be easy for you.

[He's utterly serious. This is a lot to be dumping on someone, and he knows Jason is under no obligation to help. Hell, he's under no obligation to not just walk back out the door and never talk to him again now that he knows.]

( he doesn't expect the thanks, and doesn't really know what to do with it. stays quiet instead while accelerator pulls away. jason doesn't hold onto him; just lets him go. knows how uncomfortable someone holding onto you can be when it goes on forever, when they don't let go and it ends up feeling more like a trap than something meant to comfort. which is not what he's going for here.

jason's hand raises to ruffle accelerator's hair, gently. takes a step back to give the kid (and himself) space. )

It's fine. ( the death of all those girls isn't. but from accelerator's reaction alone, he knows it wasn't something he'd planned or wanted. jason won't blame him for it. ) You gonna come back with me? Or do you need some time to breathe?

( there's still the party back at his place to get to. one jason'd invited their family to, which he's decided includes ace here. )

[His hair gets ruffled and he doesn't try to move away from it. Jason has done it enough times by this point that, right now, it feels like a reassurance that things are okay with them. And that's a reassurance he could really use right now.

The space gives him some room to breathe and start wrapping his head around the fact that he seriously, seriously just told Jason what he did to the Sisters and the guy didn't completely reject him. It's a lot to take in. He needs some time to process.]

I need some time. Maybe some air.

[He might go be broody on a rooftop with some coffee or something.]

Fair.

( it was a--heavy conversation to have, jason gets it. he's not going to shove accelerator into following him back home, not after that. so he - turns around on his heels, and starts back off towards the door. like a normal person.

stops with his hand on the doorframe so he can tip his head back to look toward ace before he leaves. )

You need anything, you call me. Alright?

[It's kind of weird Jason is choosing to go out the front door rather than the window. He keeps quiet about that, taking a moment to contemplate what Jason says.

He really doesn't want to be a bother, he's used to dealing with things on his own. But after this conversation, knowing that that trust is there....]

... Alright. I will.

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