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I know.

( accelerator leans into it, so jason wraps his arm around him a little tighter. shifts his head so his cheek is resting on top of white hair and settles in against him. there's not much he can do, here. he wasn't there, he doesn't understand the full depth of what accelerator went through. but he understands how it feels to--have that kind of weight sitting on one's shoulders, even if his isn't even close to the same as accelerator's own. there's a lot of shit jason knows damn well was his fault. a lot of mistakes he carries that he's not going to let go of, ever. people he's hurt, shit moves he's pulled. )

Like I said, you've got shit to make up for. But beating yourself up over it isn't gonna fix anything. What's done is done. All we can do is move forward, yeah?

[This is a full-on hug, and while a very small part of Accelerator would like to return it he can't bring himself to do that. It's this horrible contradiction of something he feels like he desperately needs, and something he's incredibly uncomfortable with. The best he can do is shift until he's pretty much sagging against Jason.

Given how little Accelerator likes touching people in general, it's a big step for him. He knows the kinds of things Jason has been through, he trusts him immensely. That Jason hasn't just rejected him after learning about the Sisters has given him another anchor - an adult, this time - that he can cling to, even though he's still sure he doesn't deserve any of this.

He closes his eyes, his voice quiet but flat.]

I don't know if I can.

[Really, it'd be flat-out denial if he thought he could. You don't get punched out by some random normie and then spend a full week of your life obsessed and having a complete existential crisis over it and also think you're capable of moving forward. You certainly don't kill over ten thousand innocent girls and not have it consume your thoughts every single day.]

We can work on it. Together.

( he knows it's hard. jason spent years being a bitchy asshole who went around trying to drag everyone else down to his level. who was angry, bitter, and refused to bend because the moment he did he knew he'd break. he - didn't break, not exactly, just his resolve to be the biggest asshole possible which jason now also realizes was stupid. but it's hard, to do it all on one's own. jason had help getting to that point, where he felt like it was okay to let go. to trust others not to fuck him over when he let down the walls he'd been keeping between himself and everyone else.

accelerator needs support, and jason's a shit choice for it. but he's better than no one, and he knows how hard it can be to open up to others, too. the hug has gone on a little too long for his comfort, but jason's not letting that show; he just holds accelerator tight, lets him lean in against him. )

've got you.

[Accelerator opens his mouth, wanting to tell Jason off for wanting to help, and just... doesn't. He can't bring himself to do it. He wants the help, he knows he can't move forward on his own. When he's on his own all he does is sleep and dwell on every awful thing he's ever done (and that's a lot).

Every so slowly he's building a support network here. It started with Leo and Donnie, and now he's got an adult he can trust. It makes him feel guilty for putting this on all of them, but he knows he needs this.

So instead of being stubborn or abrasive he's just quiet for a few moments, then mumbling.]

... Thanks.

[Maybe this would be the point where someone slightly more well-adjusted would express their emotions and start crying. Accelerator, for all the overwhelmed things he's feeling, doesn't. He's crumbling and he keeps most of it inside like he always does, the only real signs that he is acceptance of the hug and the way his features and tone have dropped away from abrasive to somber.

He does his best to pull himself together after another few moments, before pulling away.]

And... sorry. I know this can't be easy for you.

[He's utterly serious. This is a lot to be dumping on someone, and he knows Jason is under no obligation to help. Hell, he's under no obligation to not just walk back out the door and never talk to him again now that he knows.]

( he doesn't expect the thanks, and doesn't really know what to do with it. stays quiet instead while accelerator pulls away. jason doesn't hold onto him; just lets him go. knows how uncomfortable someone holding onto you can be when it goes on forever, when they don't let go and it ends up feeling more like a trap than something meant to comfort. which is not what he's going for here.

jason's hand raises to ruffle accelerator's hair, gently. takes a step back to give the kid (and himself) space. )

It's fine. ( the death of all those girls isn't. but from accelerator's reaction alone, he knows it wasn't something he'd planned or wanted. jason won't blame him for it. ) You gonna come back with me? Or do you need some time to breathe?

( there's still the party back at his place to get to. one jason'd invited their family to, which he's decided includes ace here. )

[His hair gets ruffled and he doesn't try to move away from it. Jason has done it enough times by this point that, right now, it feels like a reassurance that things are okay with them. And that's a reassurance he could really use right now.

The space gives him some room to breathe and start wrapping his head around the fact that he seriously, seriously just told Jason what he did to the Sisters and the guy didn't completely reject him. It's a lot to take in. He needs some time to process.]

I need some time. Maybe some air.

[He might go be broody on a rooftop with some coffee or something.]

Fair.

( it was a--heavy conversation to have, jason gets it. he's not going to shove accelerator into following him back home, not after that. so he - turns around on his heels, and starts back off towards the door. like a normal person.

stops with his hand on the doorframe so he can tip his head back to look toward ace before he leaves. )

You need anything, you call me. Alright?

[It's kind of weird Jason is choosing to go out the front door rather than the window. He keeps quiet about that, taking a moment to contemplate what Jason says.

He really doesn't want to be a bother, he's used to dealing with things on his own. But after this conversation, knowing that that trust is there....]

... Alright. I will.

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