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[ Did he say it wrong? Did his message get through? He wants Accelerator to understand. He knows how hard it is to accept that sort of thing, he knows how it stings that people see him as more than he is. Harold's unerring faith, the way he can't see himself in the picture Harold has painted of him. But here he is on the other side of that fence, seeing for once what he doesn't understand in Harold. ]

Does it feel like the right thing now?

No. [He says that, but then he has to stop, his face screwing up in concentration, and he drags a rough hand through his hair.] I don't know. You two are good people, so wanting to help you isn't wrong, but....

[But if helping them means hurting and killing some random innocent person, well, that muddies the water. Right now it feels like it had been the wrong thing to do, and at the time it had felt right, so he's left with a confusing mix of self-disgust and an irrational desire to do better for them next time.

It sucks.]

It's fucking complicated. I don't know how to answer that.

[ The fact that Accelerator's immediate answer was "no" says more than the rest of it. If Accelerator recognizes that the act was wrong then he hasn't given up the struggle to do better, no matter how murky it seems to him. ]

We'll never ask you to do that on our behalf. But I won't walk away just because you did.

[ He doesn't think Harold will either, not from Accelerator, but he can't guarantee that. After all, Harold left when they were asked to kill the senator. But Harold believes in second chances, in doing better tomorrow, and John feels confident that Harold wouldn't give up on Accelerator; John can tell how much the teen means to him. ]

[Accelerator stares down at the carrot, the knife in his hand, silent for several long moments. They won't ask him to do what he did, confirmation that he screwed up, but John is also saying he won't leave over it. That's... that's irresponsible of him. He shouldn't be bothering with a child that is comfortable with torture and murder. No reasonable adult should.

But he won't leave. That's reassuring, isn't it? It means he isn't alone here in Etraya. Accelerator isn't totally sure he can believe that, he's spent most of his life being on his own, but he wants to trust John that he isn't lying.

He closes his eyes for a moment, and when he opens them he finishes cutting up the carrot (poorly).]

... Okay. I'll try to remember that for next time.

[ That's really all John is asking for: just remembering for next time. Just try. Success is secondary, just trying is what matters.

But he thinks he's gotten the point across, there's no need to belabor it. Instead he turns back to the task at hand, picking up a potato and moving it in front of Accelerator. ]

Next we'll dice the potatoes. They need to be peeled as well even though potato skin is edible. After peeling you'll chop them into approximately two centimeters sized cubes.

[It's a lot for Accelerator to ruminate on, and something he'll do when he's alone and not in the middle of doing something important.

Of course, that important thing is cooking. He scowls down at the potato, unimpressed with it.]

This is a lot of peeling. Can't we just keep the skin on?

[He's asking that, but he'll pick the potato up and start to (poorly) peel it regardless.]

[ John isn't about to lecture Accelerator on proper potato peeling, so he just lets him do the best he can at it. ]

Keeping the skin on isn't common when potatoes are mixed with other things but it's harmless if you want to try with the skin.

[Despite the complaining he persists until he has some peeled potatoes, even though they look like trash.]

Why not? This is a lot of effort for nothing.

[ He does notice that Accelerator keeps peeling despite the complaints. ]

There's people out there who like the potato skin on, but my mom always peeled the potatoes so that's how I cook them. And the recipe said to peel them.

[Yeah, when he hears it's how John's mom would always peel potatoes he isn't about to stop.]

Tche, what a pain. [Eventually he finishes up, and after chopping the potatoes, he looks over.] What's next?

[ Accelerator might not be the best chef out there, but he follows the directions well enough and keeps at it. Next will be a fun ingredient: onion. John grabs it and places it on the cutting board. ]

Next is the onion. You'll have to peel the outer layer off first, but you can do that with your hands, not the peeler, and then cut it in half so the root is split in two. This will keep the layers from sliding around as you cut. We want slices of onion, not diced, so you'll make slices parallel to the root.

[ John is purposefully leaving out that the onion will make his eyes sting. He doesn't want to discourage Accelerator before he starts. ]

[Accelerator listens to the instructions as he eyes the onion. That honestly sounds simpler than the carrots and potatoes, so he doesn't look too concerned.]

Fine. [He grabs it and starts trying to peel the damn thing, squinting at it.] That's all I have to do for the onion?

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