Hold on. Do I need to call the nurse back to get your head checked? Because you've got it backwards.
[ Getting thanked is taking him through a whole new guilt trip. While the execution may have been heavy-handed and quite the mess, he's pretty sure Accelerator was the one who did him a favor. He should be the one expressing his gratitude, except that kind of conversation doesn't come easily to him either, so he's here making jabs instead. ]
Save that gratitude for someone who deserves it. I did in fact think about ditching you back there.
[ He won't bother hiding it. It was shitty of him, and it would stick with him uncomfortably if he doesn't come clean about it now. He could probably stand to sound less shameless and unapologetic while admitting it though.
If circumstances had been slightly different, he would have taken off and saved himself. He's that kind of self-serving bastard, and he doesn't lack for self-awareness. Knowing how short the lives of Gundam pilots are, Five resolved from the beginning to survive no matter what he has to stoop to. It's practically the one principle he lives by! So why didn't he ditch him in that harrowing moment?
Maybe it's because he had been shocked that someone actually gave a shit about him? Maybe he's even a little touched by the gesture. What comes out of his mouth is: ]
If you're wondering why I didn't, it's because I still have questions for you.
[Don't mind his little snort and eyeroll. He knows what he said, damnit! The fact that he's gone as far as to say it aloud shows just how serious about it, even with Five's admittance that he had debated leaving. That isn't surprising to hear at all, and maybe it's just his own self-deprecation creeping him, but he doesn't blame him for considering it.
And in the end it didn't happen. Having those thoughts is one thing, acting on them is another. That needs to be taken into account, too. It's a little surprising to hear the reason why he didn't ditch him though, and Accelerator raises an eyebrow. Questions, huh?]
What are they?
[It's not as if there's much for them to do right now, so he can answer a few questions.]
[ Five's only response is to grin. He knows what was said, and he's making light of it. That's just how he is, deflecting when things start feeling uncomfortable or get a little too sincere.
Now, for a welcome change in subject... ]
Let's start with you being an esper. What's up with that?
[That's a reasonable question. It's not as if espers are common outside of Academy City....]
My city does research into espers. Since not many naturally exist, the best way to do that is to develop a bunch of them to be test subjects. That's why I'm an esper, just about every student in my city is one.
And like, they got away with that? Did you all actually agree to be test subjects or is this one of those 'hidden in the fine print' kind of situations?
[ Maybe the pros of becoming espers as strong as Accelerator outweighed the risks or something, but damn...we're talking a whole city of kids being experimented on! He thought Peil ran a good scam, but what he's hearing sounds on a whole different level. ]
No, it's public knowledge. Parents sign their kids up. In exchange for going through the program, the kid gets registered at one of Academy City's schools. They're supposed to be guaranteed an education that'll have them set for the rest of their life.
[And they usually follow through on that offer, so it's one step up from Peil's practices.]
Okay, [ he says slowly, turning the information over. ] So what's the catch? The experiment was a success and you're set for life, congrats. Seems like a shame to waste it dying halfway across the galaxy!
[ There's more to the story. He doesn't buy that anyone would go to the lengths Accelerator did for no good reason. Something about the lab ticked him off, hit a nerve, and Five will needle him until he finds out what. ]
It does, doesn't it? But that's Academy City's propaganda at its finest.
[The marketing department has done an excellent job making the Power Curriculum Program seem like a great option for families.]
The way the system is set up makes it easy for parents to abandon their kids once the kid is in the city. It's easy for Child Errors and kids who don't have family they can rely on to fall through the cracks, and end up being part of unethical experiments serving some researcher's fucking ego. [He waves a hand for emphasis as he continues.] Some shithead or an entire research facility decides that doing experiments on esper organs is a great idea, or they think they can replicate a unique ability in other espers by messing with brain chemistry, or that by repeating the Curriculum's medical procedures they can find a way to give espers multiple powers instead of just one.
No one is around to notice if some Child Error goes missing when an experiment goes wrong, so they're prime candidates for that kind of shit. They get chewed up and spit out. Usually the ones who wind up dead are lucky, since they don't have to live with whatever the hell they went through.
[ Now this is the good stuff and what he's been waiting for...if any of it can be called good! Hearing about the enterprise's dark side makes Five's skin crawl, but none of it comes as a real shock to him. In fact, the story is all too familiar. Peil had been doing the same thing, picking kids that had no better options and no one looking for them if they disappeared. It's the kind of shit the rich and powerful can get away with, although in this case, he thinks these scientists may have accidentally created something more powerful than themselves. ]
Let me guess, you were one of them?
[ Five shifts in his chair, glancing sideways at Accelerator. The esper had told him, when he first appeared back in the treatment room, that he understood what he was going through. Did he really? ]
[After everything he's gone through Accelerator is more than happy to get a chance to bash the unethical adults that exploit the kids living in his city. What's more difficult for him is talking about himself — yes, he's been through some awful shit, he can admit that, but he's doled out that awfulness in equal parts to other kids. He isn't some innocent victim, he's just as much a monster as the researchers who experimented on him.
He stares down at his hands as bad memories float through his mind.]
The second one. I grew up in a research facility that thought they could develop espers with more than one ability. Early on they realized it wasn't possible, but they kept going anyways.
[A lot of kids got hurt, and a lot of them died. He supposes that being alive and being able to talk about that facility can be done in service to their memories, even if he didn't know most of them or get along with those he did. Absently, he shifts a bit, his voice low.]
There were always rumours that the place had somewhere on site to dump corpses, but the reality was that it was just a garbage dump for living humans.
[ Five notices the shift in Accelerator's demeanor but doesn't comment on it. There's nothing to be said. If their experiences were anything alike, whatever he's remembering can't be good. It can't be easy to talk about either, but Five's not about to let up just because of that. ]
Sounds like they pulled off a scheme even bigger and shadier than Peil's! I've got to hand it to them.
[ He doesn't really mean what he's saying, but if Accelerator is expecting a more candid reaction, he won't find it. When every day is a new horror, you learn to put up emotional walls quick. ]
[Honestly, Accelerator is just grateful there isn't some misguided outpouring of sympathy. That would be incredibly undeserved and only the guilt that still looms over him even worse. Five being casual about it all makes this easier to keep talking; his understanding means they can skip over the abject horror a regular person would be feeling.
He sighs, closing his eyes for a moment.]
I think a part of me always knew.
[Kids disappearing when he was younger, being separated from his classmates when his ability fully manifested, trying to talk to the Sisters when there was absolutely no point in him doing so.... Of course he knew. How could he not?]
But at some point you must have decided it was enough. I know people who would rather lie down and accept their fate, and they're not around anymore! Unsurprisingly.
[ He can see how it might be difficult for a kid who's not known anything else to start questioning what's happening around him. Honestly, good on him for breaking away. If he hadn't, he'd probably have ended up the same as Four. Disappeared without a trace. Five could never figure that guy out, not what made him so resigned nor why he had no will in him to fight. It was pathetic to watch. They may have shared a face but they were nothing alike. ]
[Five's conclusion isn't wrong. At one point he decided it was enough, one very particular point that he isn't going to forget for the rest of his life.]
Yeah. This third string knocked some sense into me. [Literally. He's never going to have any regrets over Kamijou Touma punching him out that night in the train yard.] And then....
[And then a little girl needed his help, and he didn't help her until it was nearly too late. But she's okay now, and that's what matters.
Of course, he falters when it comes to explaining Last Order. The words get stuck in his throat, and he isn't sure if he wants to keep going. He isn't sure if he should, so he switches gears, glancing over.]
[ He arches a brow when Accelerator trails off and turns the question around, but he ultimately shrugs and answers. ]
What? You mean when I caught on? They weren't exactly subtle when they were threatening me with execution.
[ His situation was a little different. First, he wasn't a kid brought up in their system who didn't know any better. Second, they told him he was dead if he failed and they didn't stutter! That kind of thing should set off alarm bells in anyone...unless you were Enhanced Person No. 4, apparently. But not to speak (too) ill of the dead. Four might have had the personality of a wet mop, but he deserved better. The witches in charge are the real villains here. ]
You wake up with no memories, somebody else's face, and get told you agreed to have your body messed with? It was fishy as hell from the beginning. I only went along with their plans because I thought it could benefit me.
[ There was no sudden or slow dawning moment of realization for him. He had been too perceptive to fall for it and too unscrupulous to refuse cooperation, but the simple heart of the matter is he'd been afraid of winding up dead. ]
[The frown already creasing Accelerator's face only increases as he listens, though he supposes he shouldn't be surprised. Peil made sure that their bases were covered so that any test subjects would have a near-impossible time backing out. How could any of them do that without their memories? They'd have no option but to believe the damn company. It's infuriating knowing all of this was going on.
He exhales roughly, giving a slight wince when that jostles his side.]
They really went to extremes to make sure you had no other options.
[It's going to take a lot of self-control to avoid going to Peil headquarters and trashing the place when he's healed up. For now he tries to put any violent thoughts at the back of his mind, focusing on another question.]
Did you ever try to come up with a plan to get out?
[Not that one would have been successful, but he's still curious.]
Who knows. Maybe Peil was the better option at one point. [ He holds up a finger and waggles it. Hear him out. ] I can't know what my past self was thinking, but from what I can piece together, it was worth changing my face for.
[ There's no guarantee his life had been any better before the experiments. The lab did away with most of his memories, but not all of them, and what vague glimpses remained pointed to one thing: he needed that new identity. Would it be odd to say he trusts himself to have made the best call he could at the time? Sure, maybe Peil had left out crucial details and misled him on what the job entailed, but he doesn't like thinking of himself as a victim in their schemes. That makes him seem helpless when he believes he's always been resourceful. ]
If you didn't step in, I would've given them the slip one way or another, but I wasn't planning on such a dramatic exit.
[ He shoots Accelerator a look. Indeed, in some other universe where he continued to botch his job, he would've quietly leveraged what he knew and gone into hiding, but this isn't that universe. ]
If I had fancy powers, maybe it would've been a different story. Is that how you got away?
[Objectively, Accelerator knows that logic is sound. Some people's lives are so horrible that this option, as awful as it is, is the better choice between the two. But subjectively it's easier for him to quietly disagree, to just keep on thinking Peil only manipulated some poor kid into being a test subject.
Accelerator shifts a little at the smarminess, briefly glancing away. Yeah, he can't really argue that exit was dramatic. As much as he refuses to admit it, he's the kind of person who can get very theatrical when he gets going. Maybe that's part of the reason why he chose to help in this way? Of course, saying that would mean acknowledging his inner theatre kid and that is so uncool, so he only clears his throat a little.]
They helped, yeah. [Honestly, if it wasn't for his ability he'd have likely ended up in some Child Error corpse pit years ago.] The higher ups and other people tried to get around it, so sometimes I had to get creative, but I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for my esper ability.
[ Five probably won't let that go anytime soon. Not because he has a real problem with their exit (minus the getting shot and almost dying part), but because he likes giving people a hard time. He can be pretty theatrical himself.
But Accelerator gets spared any further teasing because he doesn't quite follow his next words. ]
Get around it in what way?
[ He could, like, exercise his imagination because whatever went on in that lab most certainly wasn't good, but consider him morbidly curious. ]
[There are several beats of silence where Accelerator seriously considers simply not answering that question. But... as much as he'd like to say the answer is a personal one, it isn't. Not really. A lot of people back home know about the choker and limited use of his ability. It may not be common knowledge, but all the powerful people know, so keeping it to himself is kind of pointless.
Drawing in a slow breath, he reaches up to tap the small black device around his neck.]
This thing. It fills in for some missing brain function and lets me use my ability, but it's limited and can be screwed with if you know what you're doing.
[He looks a bit pissed as he continues his explanation.]
For a while the higher ups could limit its function remotely or shut it off entirely, so if I did something they didn't like they could shut me down. It was a huge pain in the ass.
[ Five had mistook the choker for an accessory and had been a bit preoccupied during the escape to notice Accelerator fiddling with it, but now that he's seeing it with fresh eyes and understanding what it was really designed for, his stomach turns. It's fucked up, someone having that kind of control over another person's body. For once, he has no snarky or dismissive comments to make. He looks genuinely disgusted. ]
They not only messed with your head, they installed a twisted little off-switch, too? That's not an assistive device. That's a leash.
[Up until now Five has been pretty smarmy, so to see him actually drop that in favour of sincere disgust is interesting. He understand where he's coming from, especially since he doesn't know about the positives of the choker (that the Sisters came up with the idea, that they cared enough to be willing to support him even after everything he did to them). The corners of his lips tilts upwards a little, and he drops his hand.]
Guess so. I've taken care of that, though, so it isn't a problem anymore. [Sort of. Other people have been able to mess with him, but it mostly isn't a problem these days.]
I guess it's fine if it can't knock you out anymore... just be careful that tech doesn't get into the wrong hands.
[ Five's usually pretty perceptive, but he doesn't know what to make of Accelerator's expression. If it were him, he wouldn't want to keep a dark reminder of his past like that around, much less something that could potentially compromise him, but if it doesn't bother the guy to keep wearing it, then all the more power to him, he supposes?
His tone then takes on that familiar smarmy edge again as he adds with a grin: ]
It would be a pain if you tapped out on me again. We're not out of the woods just yet.
[Thankfully the technology isn't commonplace, even in Academy City, and as long as he has his crutch around for the built-in signal jammer he should be safe.]
Yeah, you're right.
[He sighs heavily. At least the two of them are used to life not being easy, though it's still a pain that neither of them can let their guard down quite yet.]
You got somewhere to stay while I'm stuck in here?
[Splitting up isn't ideal, though they have an entire planet to hide on.... Maybe the nurses would take pity on two kids and let Five hang around here past visitation hours.]
[ He replies breezily. After their harrowing escape, navigating an unknown planet feels infinitely easier. Even if it means sleeping on the streets or something, he'll still sleep easier than when he was in the company's clutches. ]
Besides, I want to have a look around and do a little digging.
[ If he needed to skip town, then it was better he knew where to disappear to. Moreover, he's curious whether Peil has made any moves. Would they report the intruder or keep the incident hushed? Drawing too much scrutiny to the lab would only spell trouble for them, and it's not like they can put up a wanted poster for their own poster child. That's probably the only benefit to not having an identity and wearing someone else's face!
And if they were too far away for any news to reach the planet? That wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing either. ]
Depending on where we ended up, it might even be possible to put you in touch with your people. Unless your title's just for show, you've got to have some contacts willing to pick you up, right?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ Getting thanked is taking him through a whole new guilt trip. While the execution may have been heavy-handed and quite the mess, he's pretty sure Accelerator was the one who did him a favor. He should be the one expressing his gratitude, except that kind of conversation doesn't come easily to him either, so he's here making jabs instead. ]
Save that gratitude for someone who deserves it. I did in fact think about ditching you back there.
[ He won't bother hiding it. It was shitty of him, and it would stick with him uncomfortably if he doesn't come clean about it now. He could probably stand to sound less shameless and unapologetic while admitting it though.
If circumstances had been slightly different, he would have taken off and saved himself. He's that kind of self-serving bastard, and he doesn't lack for self-awareness. Knowing how short the lives of Gundam pilots are, Five resolved from the beginning to survive no matter what he has to stoop to. It's practically the one principle he lives by! So why didn't he ditch him in that harrowing moment?
Maybe it's because he had been shocked that someone actually gave a shit about him? Maybe he's even a little touched by the gesture. What comes out of his mouth is: ]
If you're wondering why I didn't, it's because I still have questions for you.
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And in the end it didn't happen. Having those thoughts is one thing, acting on them is another. That needs to be taken into account, too. It's a little surprising to hear the reason why he didn't ditch him though, and Accelerator raises an eyebrow. Questions, huh?]
What are they?
[It's not as if there's much for them to do right now, so he can answer a few questions.]
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Now, for a welcome change in subject... ]
Let's start with you being an esper. What's up with that?
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My city does research into espers. Since not many naturally exist, the best way to do that is to develop a bunch of them to be test subjects. That's why I'm an esper, just about every student in my city is one.
no subject
[ Maybe the pros of becoming espers as strong as Accelerator outweighed the risks or something, but damn...we're talking a whole city of kids being experimented on! He thought Peil ran a good scam, but what he's hearing sounds on a whole different level. ]
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No, it's public knowledge. Parents sign their kids up. In exchange for going through the program, the kid gets registered at one of Academy City's schools. They're supposed to be guaranteed an education that'll have them set for the rest of their life.
[And they usually follow through on that offer, so it's one step up from Peil's practices.]
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[ There's more to the story. He doesn't buy that anyone would go to the lengths Accelerator did for no good reason. Something about the lab ticked him off, hit a nerve, and Five will needle him until he finds out what. ]
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It does, doesn't it? But that's Academy City's propaganda at its finest.
[The marketing department has done an excellent job making the Power Curriculum Program seem like a great option for families.]
The way the system is set up makes it easy for parents to abandon their kids once the kid is in the city. It's easy for Child Errors and kids who don't have family they can rely on to fall through the cracks, and end up being part of unethical experiments serving some researcher's fucking ego. [He waves a hand for emphasis as he continues.] Some shithead or an entire research facility decides that doing experiments on esper organs is a great idea, or they think they can replicate a unique ability in other espers by messing with brain chemistry, or that by repeating the Curriculum's medical procedures they can find a way to give espers multiple powers instead of just one.
No one is around to notice if some Child Error goes missing when an experiment goes wrong, so they're prime candidates for that kind of shit. They get chewed up and spit out. Usually the ones who wind up dead are lucky, since they don't have to live with whatever the hell they went through.
[Wow, he can be chatty sometimes. Who knew!]
no subject
Let me guess, you were one of them?
[ Five shifts in his chair, glancing sideways at Accelerator. The esper had told him, when he first appeared back in the treatment room, that he understood what he was going through. Did he really? ]
no subject
He stares down at his hands as bad memories float through his mind.]
The second one. I grew up in a research facility that thought they could develop espers with more than one ability. Early on they realized it wasn't possible, but they kept going anyways.
[A lot of kids got hurt, and a lot of them died. He supposes that being alive and being able to talk about that facility can be done in service to their memories, even if he didn't know most of them or get along with those he did. Absently, he shifts a bit, his voice low.]
There were always rumours that the place had somewhere on site to dump corpses, but the reality was that it was just a garbage dump for living humans.
no subject
Sounds like they pulled off a scheme even bigger and shadier than Peil's! I've got to hand it to them.
[ He doesn't really mean what he's saying, but if Accelerator is expecting a more candid reaction, he won't find it. When every day is a new horror, you learn to put up emotional walls quick. ]
So, when did you realize you were being played?
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He sighs, closing his eyes for a moment.]
I think a part of me always knew.
[Kids disappearing when he was younger, being separated from his classmates when his ability fully manifested, trying to talk to the Sisters when there was absolutely no point in him doing so.... Of course he knew. How could he not?]
It was just easier not to think about it.
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[ He can see how it might be difficult for a kid who's not known anything else to start questioning what's happening around him. Honestly, good on him for breaking away. If he hadn't, he'd probably have ended up the same as Four. Disappeared without a trace. Five could never figure that guy out, not what made him so resigned nor why he had no will in him to fight. It was pathetic to watch. They may have shared a face but they were nothing alike. ]
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Yeah. This third string knocked some sense into me. [Literally. He's never going to have any regrets over Kamijou Touma punching him out that night in the train yard.] And then....
[And then a little girl needed his help, and he didn't help her until it was nearly too late. But she's okay now, and that's what matters.
Of course, he falters when it comes to explaining Last Order. The words get stuck in his throat, and he isn't sure if he wants to keep going. He isn't sure if he should, so he switches gears, glancing over.]
What about you?
no subject
What? You mean when I caught on? They weren't exactly subtle when they were threatening me with execution.
[ His situation was a little different. First, he wasn't a kid brought up in their system who didn't know any better. Second, they told him he was dead if he failed and they didn't stutter! That kind of thing should set off alarm bells in anyone...unless you were Enhanced Person No. 4, apparently. But not to speak (too) ill of the dead. Four might have had the personality of a wet mop, but he deserved better. The witches in charge are the real villains here. ]
You wake up with no memories, somebody else's face, and get told you agreed to have your body messed with? It was fishy as hell from the beginning. I only went along with their plans because I thought it could benefit me.
[ There was no sudden or slow dawning moment of realization for him. He had been too perceptive to fall for it and too unscrupulous to refuse cooperation, but the simple heart of the matter is he'd been afraid of winding up dead. ]
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He exhales roughly, giving a slight wince when that jostles his side.]
They really went to extremes to make sure you had no other options.
[It's going to take a lot of self-control to avoid going to Peil headquarters and trashing the place when he's healed up. For now he tries to put any violent thoughts at the back of his mind, focusing on another question.]
Did you ever try to come up with a plan to get out?
[Not that one would have been successful, but he's still curious.]
no subject
[ There's no guarantee his life had been any better before the experiments. The lab did away with most of his memories, but not all of them, and what vague glimpses remained pointed to one thing: he needed that new identity. Would it be odd to say he trusts himself to have made the best call he could at the time? Sure, maybe Peil had left out crucial details and misled him on what the job entailed, but he doesn't like thinking of himself as a victim in their schemes. That makes him seem helpless when he believes he's always been resourceful. ]
If you didn't step in, I would've given them the slip one way or another, but I wasn't planning on such a dramatic exit.
[ He shoots Accelerator a look. Indeed, in some other universe where he continued to botch his job, he would've quietly leveraged what he knew and gone into hiding, but this isn't that universe. ]
If I had fancy powers, maybe it would've been a different story. Is that how you got away?
no subject
[Objectively, Accelerator knows that logic is sound. Some people's lives are so horrible that this option, as awful as it is, is the better choice between the two. But subjectively it's easier for him to quietly disagree, to just keep on thinking Peil only manipulated some poor kid into being a test subject.
Accelerator shifts a little at the smarminess, briefly glancing away. Yeah, he can't really argue that exit was dramatic. As much as he refuses to admit it, he's the kind of person who can get very theatrical when he gets going. Maybe that's part of the reason why he chose to help in this way? Of course, saying that would mean acknowledging his inner theatre kid and that is so uncool, so he only clears his throat a little.]
They helped, yeah. [Honestly, if it wasn't for his ability he'd have likely ended up in some Child Error corpse pit years ago.] The higher ups and other people tried to get around it, so sometimes I had to get creative, but I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for my esper ability.
no subject
But Accelerator gets spared any further teasing because he doesn't quite follow his next words. ]
Get around it in what way?
[ He could, like, exercise his imagination because whatever went on in that lab most certainly wasn't good, but consider him morbidly curious. ]
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Drawing in a slow breath, he reaches up to tap the small black device around his neck.]
This thing. It fills in for some missing brain function and lets me use my ability, but it's limited and can be screwed with if you know what you're doing.
[He looks a bit pissed as he continues his explanation.]
For a while the higher ups could limit its function remotely or shut it off entirely, so if I did something they didn't like they could shut me down. It was a huge pain in the ass.
no subject
They not only messed with your head, they installed a twisted little off-switch, too? That's not an assistive device. That's a leash.
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Guess so. I've taken care of that, though, so it isn't a problem anymore. [Sort of. Other people have been able to mess with him, but it mostly isn't a problem these days.]
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[ Five's usually pretty perceptive, but he doesn't know what to make of Accelerator's expression. If it were him, he wouldn't want to keep a dark reminder of his past like that around, much less something that could potentially compromise him, but if it doesn't bother the guy to keep wearing it, then all the more power to him, he supposes?
His tone then takes on that familiar smarmy edge again as he adds with a grin: ]
It would be a pain if you tapped out on me again. We're not out of the woods just yet.
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Yeah, you're right.
[He sighs heavily. At least the two of them are used to life not being easy, though it's still a pain that neither of them can let their guard down quite yet.]
You got somewhere to stay while I'm stuck in here?
[Splitting up isn't ideal, though they have an entire planet to hide on.... Maybe the nurses would take pity on two kids and let Five hang around here past visitation hours.]
no subject
[ He replies breezily. After their harrowing escape, navigating an unknown planet feels infinitely easier. Even if it means sleeping on the streets or something, he'll still sleep easier than when he was in the company's clutches. ]
Besides, I want to have a look around and do a little digging.
[ If he needed to skip town, then it was better he knew where to disappear to. Moreover, he's curious whether Peil has made any moves. Would they report the intruder or keep the incident hushed? Drawing too much scrutiny to the lab would only spell trouble for them, and it's not like they can put up a wanted poster for their own poster child. That's probably the only benefit to not having an identity and wearing someone else's face!
And if they were too far away for any news to reach the planet? That wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing either. ]
Depending on where we ended up, it might even be possible to put you in touch with your people. Unless your title's just for show, you've got to have some contacts willing to pick you up, right?
[ And foot the hospital bill... ]
(no subject)