My old man used to knock me around, before he went off and died in prison. He also taught me how to pick pockets, hot wire cars, steal tires, all the useful shit a kid in crime alley might need.
( he's not sure if it's harder or easier, over the phone. at least jason could quickly press the end button if he needed to. as it is, he figures--accelerator needs this more than jason needs to avoid it. )
I killed a guy before I'd even hit double digits. I wasn't intending on it, but I sure as hell didn't regret it. I almost killed my brothers, several times. An' they didn't do jack shit to deserve it. I was so angry, I just threw that anger 'round at every single goddamn person I could take it out on. Slit Tim's throat, shot him, stabbed him, broke into his place an' beat the shit out of him while telling him he was trash. He wasn't, he's always been better than me. I was the monster. The asshole who went around trying to drag everyone else down with me, 'cause I was full of piss and vinegar and wanted them to feel it.
( his head hits the back of the couch, and jason lets his eyes close. )
I was scared, of what I'd find if I let go of all that anger. Or what I wouldn't find--was there anything left of the kid who'd wanted to try to be something better? ( he's - relating, because jason doesn't know how the hell else to express that he does get it. if anyone told jason he was abused, he'd tell them they're idiots. he's fine. aside from the dying bit and the anger issues he's learned to acknowledge years after the fact, clearly there's nothing wrong with him. his dad was an ass, but that's just how shit is in the bowery. it's normal. the watching over his shoulder constantly--everyone with half a brain in gotham does that. but he can acknowledge it second-hand, like this. )
I ain't looking at you through rose-colored lenses. I can see you're trying. You pulled some fucked up shit in the past, I get it. I have, too. Shit I can never, ever make up for. But if you really were a monster, you wouldn't be sitting there telling me you can't make up for it. Monsters don't care 'bout the damage they've done. Mistakes're human.
cw: child abuse, drug use
( he's not sure if it's harder or easier, over the phone. at least jason could quickly press the end button if he needed to. as it is, he figures--accelerator needs this more than jason needs to avoid it. )
I killed a guy before I'd even hit double digits. I wasn't intending on it, but I sure as hell didn't regret it. I almost killed my brothers, several times. An' they didn't do jack shit to deserve it. I was so angry, I just threw that anger 'round at every single goddamn person I could take it out on. Slit Tim's throat, shot him, stabbed him, broke into his place an' beat the shit out of him while telling him he was trash. He wasn't, he's always been better than me. I was the monster. The asshole who went around trying to drag everyone else down with me, 'cause I was full of piss and vinegar and wanted them to feel it.
( his head hits the back of the couch, and jason lets his eyes close. )
I was scared, of what I'd find if I let go of all that anger. Or what I wouldn't find--was there anything left of the kid who'd wanted to try to be something better? ( he's - relating, because jason doesn't know how the hell else to express that he does get it. if anyone told jason he was abused, he'd tell them they're idiots. he's fine. aside from the dying bit and the anger issues he's learned to acknowledge years after the fact, clearly there's nothing wrong with him. his dad was an ass, but that's just how shit is in the bowery. it's normal. the watching over his shoulder constantly--everyone with half a brain in gotham does that. but he can acknowledge it second-hand, like this. )
I ain't looking at you through rose-colored lenses. I can see you're trying. You pulled some fucked up shit in the past, I get it. I have, too. Shit I can never, ever make up for. But if you really were a monster, you wouldn't be sitting there telling me you can't make up for it. Monsters don't care 'bout the damage they've done. Mistakes're human.