( it still hurts to think about, even if she didn't miscalculate and they chose to do that... she still believes it to be her fault. even now, in a new place, she cannot find the answer to what she had done wrong to cause such an unfortunate situation. it's these moments that she wishes that vertin and 6 didn't hold her back, but that would have the uninvolved option.
she chooses not to say anything on it, even while being involved, she watched them die and it feels worse. or maybe it's the fact she's crying on some guy's couch that she doesn't know, and she doesn't know how to save face.
for once, 37 is thinking that crawling out the window is her only option from how much she's embarrassed herself, for what she's said so far. would that be horrible to do to him considering he's telling her his mistakes, he doesn't tell her in detail, but he does let her know. he's miscalculated, he's been involved and uninvolved, and she sniffles, and one hand lifts up to wipe at her already red cheeks as she bites down on her bottom lip to keep in any sob.
she won't do it, she won't let a sound slip through.
that is the choice that apparently she had chosen to be practical, involved, and suffer. that option allows her into the phenomenal world to learn the truth that will help prevent others from being taken away by the emanation, and then afterwards she can go home to what she knows.
but why is the outside world so difficult to understand, and why can't her friends be there when she returns. she can't ask him that, but his choice tells her a lot that something comes from being involved, to suffering, because it makes a difference in some way. at first, she didn't want to leave, the outside world is foggy, it's hard to see the truth with the pile and pile of bacteria that covers it... but...
it's at this moment that she realizes she's bit down on her bottom lip too hard to keep herself from sobbing, and the taste of blood manages to hit her tongue. it's like a sobbing cough comes from out her mouth, and she breathes in through her nose. )
....What about here, ( her voice cracks, and she pauses trying to get force the sadness out, but it doesn't work as her tone drops down to a whisper. ) ...what did you choose here?
cw: suicide talk
she chooses not to say anything on it, even while being involved, she watched them die and it feels worse. or maybe it's the fact she's crying on some guy's couch that she doesn't know, and she doesn't know how to save face.
for once, 37 is thinking that crawling out the window is her only option from how much she's embarrassed herself, for what she's said so far. would that be horrible to do to him considering he's telling her his mistakes, he doesn't tell her in detail, but he does let her know. he's miscalculated, he's been involved and uninvolved, and she sniffles, and one hand lifts up to wipe at her already red cheeks as she bites down on her bottom lip to keep in any sob.
she won't do it, she won't let a sound slip through.
that is the choice that apparently she had chosen to be practical, involved, and suffer. that option allows her into the phenomenal world to learn the truth that will help prevent others from being taken away by the emanation, and then afterwards she can go home to what she knows.
but why is the outside world so difficult to understand, and why can't her friends be there when she returns. she can't ask him that, but his choice tells her a lot that something comes from being involved, to suffering, because it makes a difference in some way. at first, she didn't want to leave, the outside world is foggy, it's hard to see the truth with the pile and pile of bacteria that covers it... but...
it's at this moment that she realizes she's bit down on her bottom lip too hard to keep herself from sobbing, and the taste of blood manages to hit her tongue. it's like a sobbing cough comes from out her mouth, and she breathes in through her nose. )
....What about here, ( her voice cracks, and she pauses trying to get force the sadness out, but it doesn't work as her tone drops down to a whisper. ) ...what did you choose here?